If the #2 pencil is so cool, why is it still #2? by Rena Silverman

Anyway, sharpen your mediocre pencils and listen up. This is a math test. If you fail you can go play the lottery (it’s just a tax on people who are bad at math).

Please sharpen your number two pencils.

1) After 11 years years of service, a math teacher receives an $80 gift certificate to Shaw’s Gas in lieu of a raise. How much of that money will be left after taxes? Express in bottles of rum.

2) A name-brand bottle of rum costs $12.95. The generic brand sells for $7.50. If a math teacher buys 4 bottles of generic rum each week, how much does he save each month? How much does he save each year? How much money does the teacher save over the course of 11 years?

3) A math teacher’s new apartment is approximately 12 ft. long and 5 ft. wide, and the bathroom takes up 50% of the apartment. A normal human-sized bed is 6 ft x 3 ft. Does the math teacher have enough room for a standard bed? Or will he have to sleep in some kind of cat bed?

4) By order of the high courts, a math teacher must keep 1,000 ft. away from his ex-wife at all times. Say, theoretically, she lives on 91st and York, exactly halfway between the math teacher’s apartment and his school. How far out of his way does the teacher have to walk every morning just to keep from getting arrested?

5) A math teacher is frightened 95% of the time. How many hours a day is he frightened? What she so afraid of?

posted by rena silverman